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ClintonPortisheadFiled under: Business_Socks | Tags: conspiracy theories, rashard mendenhall, Ron Artest
The NFL lockout has afforded the league’s athletes with an unprecedented amount of free time. Here at Style Points we will be highlighting interesting and innovative uses of this time by some of today’s biggest stars. Today, we present you with a transcript – yes, we sent the ten dollars and self-addressed stamped envelope – of a new public access television show hosted by Pittsburgh Steeler running back Rashard Mendenhall. His first guest? Our old, dear friend…Ron Artest.
Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: advice, apple bottom, Big Papi, boobs, Bull Head Clap, Festus T. Bogwater, gay grandson, gorilla roids, Jamba Juice, Kubota, Michael Vick, Vida Guerra
It’s time to check in with Festus again. Let’s see who’s needing a nice dose of anonymous advice.
Dear Mr. Bogwater,
Long time reader, first time writer. I’ve been struggling at the plate lately. My power has mysteriously disappeared. Though last night I connected for my first home run of the year. What I would like to know is do you think that’s a sign that I’m getting my stroke back or just dumb luck?
Thanks,
Brokedown in Beantown
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Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: Baby Hulk, black mamba, denver nuggets, Dibiase boned my aunt, Guatemalan toddler, Junkyard Dog, LA Lakers, Nicholson's penis pavillion, predictions, the Undertaker, WWE
This week it came to light that the Pepsi Center in Denver is double booked for game 4 of the Western Conference Finals. The competing event is a WWE event. With no easy answers in sight we here at Style Points burned the midnight oil (and sensimilla) and found a compromise. We’ll find 5 old school wrestlers apiece to suit up for the Lakers and Nuggets. We still get the game and Vince McMahon gets his exposure (and his Guatemalan toddler as per his venue rider).
10. Junkyard Dog (Lakers) - He’s a perfect fit for LA because they are as soft as Jack Nicholson’s penis pavillion (stomach). Yes, he’s dead but if you’re going to be a stickler about whether or not these old school wrestlers are alive then I’m not going to be able to write this fucking thing so shut up Mean Gene Okerlund.
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Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: A.C. Green, baby oil, Caligula, clitoris, community service, condoms, Laker Girls, Lakers, Magic Johnson, man in the boat, North Gulfport, oral, Pat Riley, Paula Abdul, Peter Cockinhertail, Peter Cottontail, possession with intent to distribute, sex machines, Showtime
This week Style Points has found itself in a bit of a legal imbroglio. While we’ve been advised by house counsel (Daaz) to not divulge details, we just want to say that we DIDN’T do it and we were MORE than 100 yards away from the schoolyard.
Anyways, as part of our plea deal we agreed to open this space (the #3 fastest growing blog according to wordpress) up for public service announcements. Luckily, we secured the services of a real champion. A.C. Green, world conquering forward for the Showtime era Lakers has volunteered to answer sex education questions from the youngsters at North Gulfport Junior High in Gulfport, MS.
Take it away, A.C.
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Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: Burt fuckin' Reynolds, career counseling, Chelsea Handler, Dom Deluise, Dunkin Donuts, Homeland Security, Now That's a Spicy Meatball, Stan Van Gundy, Super Mario, the Undertaker, Weekly Power Poll
We here at Style Points perform many duties. At different points in our career we’ve been called a clubhouse cancer, clubhouse lawyer (redundant), class clown, hall monitor, first base coach and occasionally, head hunter. So today we put on our career counselor cap (it’s bedazzled) and try to fit soon- to-be-unemployed Stan Van Gundy with a new career.
10. Donut Maker – We hate to typecast someone but he looks the part. He also looks the part of a cretinous porn star but, you knew that already.
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Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: Ask an Old Redneck, Braylon Edwards, Brett Favre, Festus T. Bogwater
Festus T. Bogwater
Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: Jackson Square, Katrina, retractions, saints, Superdome, the fucks an albatross?, Tom Benson
Here at Style Points we occasionally have to run a retraction because of inaccuracies or unfortunate and uncomfortable situations. This is one of those uncomfortable situations.
I’ve never been a fan of apologies generated by PR firms. They always seem vaguely written and insincere. Also, I don’t want to summon the Style Points legal juggernaut (which is massive and all-powerful) to handle something as clear-cut as this. Plus, the Style Points legal fund is constantly in flux due to CPH’s gender baiting trips to Jezebel. But, enough of that. I’m going to go through my original letter and apologize to Mr. Benson in a detailed and sincere manner.
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Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: Clarence Carter, Michael Phelps, speedos, strippers, strokin', weed
Starting this weekend, Michael Phelps is going to momentarily halt his bedroom stroking and get back to what has allowed him to have an active (over active?) sex life in the first place. That’s right. He’s going to wear a small bathing suit and appear on television. Oh, and he’s going to show everyone his new ‘stroke.’ Cue the Billy Squier jokes.
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Filed under: Business_Socks | Tags: 420, Craigslist, Cripples, Dogfighting, Gays, Herpes, Michael Vick
****Roommate Wanted for 7bed/4 bath Mansion**** (Cobb County, GA)
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