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Shakεy
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ClintonPortisheadFiled under: Shakey | Tags: butt tampons, Donovan McNabb contract extension, Kevin Kolb, Kevin Kolb frustrated, Mewtwo, Prom, robot spider monsters, vampire zombie hybrid
Today Eagles backup Quarterback Kevin Kolb said he’d be ‘frustrated’ if Donovan McNabb received a contract extension. Unfortunately for Kolb, journalists didn’t give enough of a shit about him to print the rest of his words. But you know what Kevin? I’m here for you. I’ll tell the world how you really feel.
Kevin Kolb would also be frustrated if… (more…)
Filed under: Shakey | Tags: C-List douche, Dairy Queen with Shaq, Daughter Lindsay, Jimmy Fallon, Maddog Madsen, Mark Madsen, Mark Madsen has no friends, Shrek
Thirty three year old NBA journeyman Power Forward Mark Madsen would love to share his thoughts via the newfangled social networking device Twitter. Unfortunately for the 6’9″ big man out of Stanford University, nobody wants to follow him. ‘MaddogMadsen‘ is twittering into a vacuum of despair. (more…)
Filed under: Shakey | Tags: Brian Scalabrine, Cat Scratch Fever, Charizard helping with oven, Fruibles the Elf, Geordi Laforge VISOR, Hot babes, hubbub, Mail bin, Marissa Miller, Quiznos fine dining, Sanna, Scal, Scalabrine Christmas Wishlist, Trekkie, Wang Dang Sweet Poontang wedding song, weird black guy star trek eye thing
Last December I ran into the old lunk on the streets of Philadelphia as he was trying to locate a mail box for a letter addressed to the North Pole. The confused fella was late for shootaround so he asked me to deposit the letter in the nearest mail bin I could find. I kept the letter. Today, I share Brian Scalabine’s Christmas Wishlist with you.
Hey Santa!
Hope the Elves aren’t driving you crazy like last year when you hit little Fruibles with a frying pan. Has Prancer’s pancreatic cancer improved? Maybe you can send a letter to Jesus so it can be all better. I know you get lots of these things and I don’t want to tire your eyes out and make you get new prescriptions for your half moon lenses. It must take hours to drive to the nearest Lenscrafters eye glass store!
Filed under: Contributors, CoolHwhip | Tags: CoolHwhip, CoolHwhip loves tranny dong, first tranny preakness winner, preakness winner, rachel alexandria, tranny horse, transsexual horse
Is Rachel Twelve Inches...Around?
This post is brought to you by contributor CoolHwhip.
Rachel Alexandra. The Wonder Woman of the horse racing world. The girl running with the boys. Kentucky Oaks and Preakness winner.
This filly has captured the sports world with her domination of the Kentucky Oaks and recent win at the Preakness. But what if this Wonder “Woman” isn’t a woman after all, but a post-operation transvestite.
Filed under: Contributors, CoolHwhip | Tags: 2 Englishmen, Cheeky Bastards, CoolHwhip, Mickey and Harry, NFL in Britain
Deadspin commenter and writer for The Rookies CoolHwhip is today’s contributor.
The NFL is in talks to bring two regular-season games to London in 2010. After arriving in London for my weekly trip, I asked two British folk what they thought. Here was their back-and-forth: (more…)
Filed under: Contributors, Karlifornia | Tags: Alexxxa, Athlete Phone Sex Transcripts, Cornelius Bagley the Third, Gorgeous Birds, Karlifornia, Ron Artest, Simplex X
Deadspin commenter Karlifornia has agreed to become a contributor for this fine site. Here’s his first foray into Style Points literature.
Cheerio, everyone. My name is Cornelius Bagley the Third. Let me indulge all of you with the fanciful tale of “CB-3″. I had a privileged childhood, culminating with a legacy entrance into Oxford University. I earned my degree in 4 months, the result of superior secondary schooling. I immigrated to America 22 years ago to work as a stockbroker. Possessing a vast knowledge of the inner workings of international finance, I quickly ascended the Wall Street ladder. I unfortunately could not overcome my addiction to what the proletariat refers to as “the common street whore”. I contracted a rare strain of herpes known only as “Simplex X”. It left me with ghastly sores all over my body and face. I was subsequently blackballed from Wall Street, and forced to find a lesser occupation.
That occupation I found was managing a phone sex company. I will now share with you the transcript of a call from a professional athlete by the name of Ron Artest. The thespian is a gorgeous bird that goes by the nom de phone sex of “Alexxxa”. (more…)
Filed under: Shakey | Tags: all growd up, Club that whale, Crazed Souls, Dead Shamu, devour sea lions and walrus, How it Happened, Milton Bradley, murderize, Shakey, Shamu, Style Points, waste of nature
Insane Major League Baseball Player Milton Bradley was once a child like you and me. We at Style Points have decided it is our duty to uncover seminal moments in intriguing athletes’ life and share them with the world. This here is the tale of a young Milton Bradley. *Everything in this post should be regarded as factual and by no means should be taken as fiction.
Filed under: Shakey | Tags: ball in hole, Eldrick, Fukok, How it Happened, improbable racial combination, robot Tiger Woods, Shittiest band in the world, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods abducted by aliens, Zoltorg
Everyone knows Tiger Woods is the best golfer in the universe. But no one ever asks why? His black-thai blood is the most improbable racial combination to ever hit the world of golf. So I’m here to uncover the real reason Tiger has an otherworldly ability to hit a ball into a hole. You really think it was his dad’s tutorials? This post is based upon cold hard facts and should never ever be questioned under any circumstances. If you do, I’ll send my Mexican friend Zoltorg after you. (more…)
