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ClintonPortisheadFiled under: ClintonPortishead | Tags: coaches with authority problems, dear god Al Davis was right, eli manning, fog machines, future odds, lane kiffin, layla kiffin, nick montana, pat summitt, peyton manning, peyton manning has a sixhead, polls, recruiting violations, sexting, sexytime with layla kiffin
Kiffin explains the more delicate intricacies of recruiting violations
Former Al Davis whipping boy/blood jockey Lane Kiffin has already run afoul of the NCAA several times in his short time as head coach of the University of Tennessee, prompting many to wonder if the fair-haired lady-killer is in over his head. His various rules infractions so far have included unauthorized career advice, ill-advised follow-up calls, calling the kettle black, illegal use of a fog machine, practicing medicine without a license, and most recently, oversharing on Twitter (redundant).
As we make a living on being one step ahead of the game, Style Points now looks to the future and prognosticates the precocious coach’s next avenue of fuck-up.
Filed under: ClintonPortishead | Tags: baconnaise, denver nuggets, fecal mountain, George Karl, george karl has a glandular problem, Healthy Living, how to lose weight and alienate people, making fun of cancer survivors, NBA health tips, peeping tom, people who look like William Taft, western conference finals
As America remains mired in an epidemic of obesity and sedentary lifestyle, Style Points feels we have a civic obligation to tackle the problem head-on and lead a national campaign of health education and awareness. However, this seemed like far too much work, so instead we asked friend-of-the-site and current Denver Nuggets Head Coach/celestial body George Karl to share his tips to a healthier and happier you. (Editorial note: The copy we received from Karl was covered in honey mustard and what appears to be saliva, but we’ve tried to transcribe the best we can).
Filed under: ClintonPortishead | Tags: Alyssa Milano, alyssa milano NUDE NUDE NUDE, alyssa milano rumors, Barry Zito, baseball romance, I should've learned how to pitch, pteradactyl love, Randy Johnson, shitty pitchers and the women who love them, unholy unions
Veteran Randy Johnson gave up 7 earned runs over four innings of work in a loss against the Mets on Saturday, as he remains two wins shy of eclipsing the 300 mark for his career. The 45-year-old surefire Hall of Famer has found little success in his first season with the Giants, and his ERA has ballooned close to seven as he struggles to find his groove in the Bay Area.
It wasn’t all bad news for the 6’10” lefty this weekend though, as he received the following text message from an unknown number about an hour after the game:
Filed under: ClintonPortishead | Tags: Arizona State, atlas shrugged and then quit football, baltimore colts, be yourself, brian griese family counseling services, father and son, fuck off dad, i liked him better as cat stevens, jack elway, john elway, john elway is a 5-2 favorite in the preakness, lowered expectations, seriously does terrell davis have kids?, yusef islam
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The Unhappiest Boy in the World
Recently, Jack Elway (ASU freshman Quarterback and son of NFL Hall of Famer/Baltimore Colts pariah John) announced he was quitting football. It seemed the minor Elway doesn’t share his father’s love for the game, and had spent his youth more or less going through the motions (other theory: he realized he’d get lots of praise but never actually achieve success without a Terrell Davis Jr. to carry the Sundevils’ load).
Filed under: ClintonPortishead | Tags: anachronistic humor, bear-children, editorial, oldtimey assholery, pillow biters, slander on the state of maine, still a better guy than barry bonds, things that will get us sued by the cobb estate, ty cobb, ty cobb on gay marriage
The Georgia Peach
Every so often, we here at Style Points are lucky enough to feature a guest editorial from a famous figure on a relevant topic. This week, Ty Cobb addresses the controversy surrounding gay marriage. Please send any questions, comments, or concerns to his grave.
Ty Cobb here, the Georgia Peach. I understand there’s a controversy a-brewin’ about gays getting married? Poppycock! Why, I remember when I found out we had us a gay on the Aught-Six Tigers club like it was yesterday. I had just gone 5 for 6 with 4 three-baggers off of Gentleman Jim Johnson and the Altoona Travelin’ Salesmen, and I was back in the showers washing all the dirt and tibia pieces out of my cleats. There was this tall drink of water named Emmett Abrams, who we’d just called up from the Saginaw Straightshooters (we were short-manned on account of yours truly having busted our last shortstop’s eye socket with a can of Dapper Dan for glancin’ at me funny).
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Filed under: ClintonPortishead | Tags: body snarking, bumfights, contagious diseases, Cool Runnings, dudes who eat snakes, fuck the DMV, hypothetical blowjobs, Lyle Lovett, mailbag, Mayan Doomsday 2012, michael vick career counseling, poorly thought out movie premises, zombie defense
Welcome to the Style Points mailbag, where the festering questions of our ever-growing readership are met with derision, flatulence, and occasional humor. If you have a question that you’d like answered with style (or can figure out how to make our dicks bigger), please email us at stylepointsblog@gmail.com. On to the answers!
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